Will of chaos

“I was a bitch who, at 17, had already killed two people, was even in one of the factions, had more money than that old woman made with her shitty retirement.” (Hana)

“That’s my origin, that’s how I came to be!” (Hana)

She turns to me, smiling with her lips, but her eyes seem resentful, as if she were telling the story of someone she hates, not her own.

“What else?” (me)

“I don’t know what you’re looking for, but my life wasn’t interesting, it’s full of death, blood, and betrayal.” (Hana)

She looks at me as if trying to extract any clue, but she wouldn’t be able to. My expression won’t change no matter what I do; no amount of cruelty a mortal can commit compares to the things I saw during my time training in Hell.

“Like I said before, I only cared about myself, my money, my power, my authority.” (Hana)

“A teenage girl with no training, no support, and no money… where would I get influence from?” (Hana)

“The answer was simple: I was a woman, always pretty, not pretty enough to become a model, but pretty enough to seduce the most powerful idiot I could find.” (Hana)

She snapped her fingers and suddenly we were in front of a club with a pool, barbecue area, and soccer field. There was a white man, covered in tattoos, over 30 years old, with a pistol on his waist and three people with rifles behind him.

“Marcos had a shitty nickname as a drug dealer, and I don’t even remember it anymore. He was popular and knew how to be cruel. He prevented services like water, gas, and others from reaching the community legally so he could sell those services illegally himself.” (Hana)

“Seducing him was easy, but he was a disgusting pig, easy to handle. I stayed by his side and learned how he commanded his men, how police bribery and deals with politicians worked.” (Hana)

“Since he treated me like a trophy, he took me, with some incentive, to several meetings, allowing me to see his business associates and learn where the weapons and drugs came from.” (Hana)

“In six months I knew everything I needed, so I started to act. I diverted weapons, money, and drugs without him noticing, while creating rumors about his plans to distract everyone’s attention.” (Hana)

“…” (me)

“(She seems happy to say this part, she waves her hand slowly while speaking, each wave showing everything she said in a flash.)” (me)

She’s ambitious, she didn’t have power and went after the one who did, then sucked what she could from him, said she wasn’t intelligent, but in my view she demonstrated a mind that was too sharp.

“I was a bit too naive at the time, that situation wouldn’t last forever, he found out that someone was leaking information and decided to kill everyone who had the exact information that was leaked, that included me and 7 other people.” (Hana)

“Too bad for him that his gun was out of ammunition and the subordinate behind him had changed sides, one shot to the head was enough to end everything.” (Hana)

“Building fame with betrayal and generating fear through cruelty wasn’t so good, I was still a woman and many didn’t like that.” (Hana)

“After months of wars with other factions, having to deal with police operations and having to look over my shoulder at subordinates who didn’t like me.” (Hana)

She changed the image revealing her fleeing by boat with 10 people, one of her arms broken and cuts on her face. Those around her were also injured, but everyone was smiling as the boat drove away.

“For me, having dropped out of school, having to learn another language was annoying, but it was effective. I already had a lot and could start again from a higher point now.” (Hana)

“I went to the United States, built a solid base there, a legalized front company, and in a few months I had everything I needed. Unfortunately, I also had the attention of local enemies who didn’t like new competitors.” (Hana)

“…” (me)

She had been Maia in detail talking about her life in Brazil, but now she was being more vague about the events. She showed a company near a port, showed weapons and drugs being transported before moving on to an apartment where a man was stabbed in bed.

She walked over to him, spat on him, and went to the bathroom where a younger version of herself was crying while washing her hands, still naked.

“He was a worm, but he was the first one I liked even a little bit. A woman has needs too, but he had betrayed me.” (Hana)

“Unfortunately for him, he didn’t know about my clandestine business. He was just a spoiled son of some company owner. I learned a little from him too, but I couldn’t stand others betraying me.” (Hana)

A true psychopath, she caused her father’s death, seduced and killed a drug dealer, must have killed more during that time, and in the end killed a man because of betrayal.

“But the worst was yet to come. One of my subordinates divided my forces while stealing my money, and in the midst of all that, I discovered I was pregnant.” (Hana)

“Killing that traitor wasn’t difficult; I just had to use his daughter as a hostage before killing them both.” (Hana)

“But the pregnancy was a problem. I thought a lot about terminating the pregnancy, but I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t…” (Hana)

She changed her perspective several more times, until the image of her leaving a medical room appeared. Her belly was large, and her face was serious. She wasn’t in a normal medical room, but in a completely empty one with two heavily armed guards at the door.

“Being vulnerable during pregnancy was a sign of weakness, something my enemies inside and outside the organization wouldn’t let pass.” (Hana)

“I hid the pregnancy as best I could, but in my mind, I spent nine months thinking about how to sell the baby. It was worth a lot of money and wouldn’t cost me anything; I had the contacts for it.” (Hana)

“I’ve always been a terrible person, I never denied it, I knew I was awful and the emotions I felt during pregnancy were awful, they made me realize how much of a mess my life was!” (Hana)

“No family, which was a good thing considering the family I had… no friends, which didn’t particularly matter… with the most trustworthy people I had being criminals who would kill me if given the opportunity…” (Hana)

“All the money, authority, and influence I had was worthless, it was a shitty life where waking up another day was already a stroke of luck.” (Hana)

She changed the image once more, this time we were inside a small, old hotel room and there was a baby wrapped in a blanket, in the living room there was a dead man covered in blood and tied to a chair.

I remained silent, just listening, not letting her notice any reaction, but it was clear that that baby was me.

“…” (me)

“I even tried to sell the child. I couldn’t raise a child, I didn’t want something like that, and even then, at the moment of the exchange, that old woman’s voice came to my mind. I couldn’t…” (Hana)

“I used a knife to vent my frustration and anger on the buyer, then I left that place, passing by an orphanage I found on the map.” (Hana)

“I left the boy there without thinking twice. I didn’t do it for him, I didn’t do it out of kindness or redemption, I did it for myself… that’s what I repeated several times… for months…” (Hana)

“I never thought that having a child was enough to change my mentality so much. I had killed children before, I even carried out kidnappings, my hands were stained, and yet I was a hypocrite.” (Hana)

“I loved that boy from the moment I first heard him cry, looking at him so small and fragile, such a pure creature… but me… I was repulsive, even holding him in my arms made me feel bad…” (Hana)

“All that love was a danger not only to me, but to him too, I knew that, abandoning him was for the best and yet the anger I felt changed me.” (Hana)

“I became more ruthless, more cruel, and with that, others were more afraid to go against me, allowing me to rise in power, even so, I wasn’t happy…” (Hana)

“No amount of influence and money was enough for me, but I was already too deep to get out, I was a hated bitch watched by everyone wherever I went.” (Hana)

“But even so, I kept an eye on the boy, I saw him grow up through photos, I saw him abandoned by several families through reports, then I saw on television his company that started from scratch and became one of the biggest in its field.” (Hana)

“Hahahahahaha… hahahahaahahahahahahaha…” (Hana)

She changed the image to a windowless room where a 50-year-old woman was sitting surrounded by photos, my photos, on the walls were newspaper articles about me or my company, the bookshelf had all the games I ever created, special or collector’s editions.

The elderly woman had a serious look as she checked documents which she soon signed, a pistol beside her on the table along with bottles of liquor. Her face was serious and her eyes cold.

She looked at that woman while laughing, but tears welled in her eyes as they gleamed with sadness, her presence becoming pitiful.

“Hilarious, isn’t it…?” (Hana)

“I was an international criminal, I sold weapons even to terrorist groups and had politicians on my contact list, but I never managed to feel proud of any of that again!!!” (Hana)

“It was all a burden, but it was all I was capable of doing. I only felt pride in the things he did; his life was brilliant while mine was an endless darkness!!!” (Hana)

“A truly shitty life…” (Hana)

Her last words were spoken almost in a whisper, but they seemed as heavy as mountains.

“(I don’t know what to think…)” (me)