First Demonic Dragon

Chapter 1138: I’m a Part of The Problem

“Oooh, look at her!”

“Now look at that, ain’t she precious.”

“Show ’em’ what your granny taught you, little shit.”

“Mom, I don’t know what you showed her, but please don’t teach her anything else…”

Abaddon could only halfway hear his family’s jubilation.

A blank stare seemed to be permanently affixed to his face. Most everything he heard in the background turned to white noise.

“Honey.. Honey!”

Valerie flicked Abaddon on his nose, and he quickly broke out of his fugue state.

“Sorry, what..?”

Valerie hissed at her husband. “Your daughter is trying to show off her new backpack. Be a little more present for her.”

Abaddon finally remembered what he was doing here in the first place.

Odessa was strutting around the room rather proudly, showing off the brightly colored bookbag that she had been given for her entrance into big girl school.

She had sufficiently captivated the attention of almost everyone in the house, forcing them to fawn all over her.

Abaddon felt his mood lift slightly. Seeing his daughter with such a genuinely happy expression had a way of lifting his spirits like nothing else could.

But the longer he looked at her, his smile slowly started to fade from view.

Valerie saw her husband’s expression fluctuate inexplicably.

She noticed he was starting to slink back into his somber mental state.

Valerie couldn’t stomach it. Not with Odie in such a joyful, splendid mood.

She grabbed her husband by the wrist and pulled him up from the sofa, quietly leading him out of the room.

Abaddon thought for a moment that he had pissed her off. However, Valerie wasn’t really the type to take someone out of the room whom she was angry with. She was more of the silent, brooding type than anything else.

She pulled him into the kitchen and sat on the counter.

“Alright, out with it. What is actually going on with you?”

Abaddon feigned ignorance. “I don’t know what you-”

“Seriously?? Why would you want to lie to me about this? I know you’ve been feeling weird since yesterday. I don’t need to be able to read your mind to be able to see when you’re acting differently.”

It had just begun to sink in for Abaddon that Valerie wasn’t just going to let things go—something he should have realized sooner rather than later.

“Lucifer… when he showed up yesterday, he seemed different.”

“Different how?”

Abaddon rubbed the back of his neck calmly.

“I think… finding out what Yesh modeled humanity after has broken him. His deep hatred for humans has somehow evolved into a hatred for himself. And since Lucifer is not usually the kind of man who is prone to self-loathing, it’s causing him to make some very questionable choices.”

“More questionable than killing humans and courting the divine wrath of his supremely powerful mother?”

Abaddon nodded. “He’s become suicidal. He believes that his new destiny is to kill all of humanity and then himself.”

That revelation seemed to sober Valerie up a bit.

Suicidal ideation seemed a bit morbid for someone like Lucifer to consider.

He always seemed so proud. So self-assured.

Valerie couldn’t believe that simply learning what his father had done would cause him to fall so far.

“Okay, that’s… a bit concerning,” she acquiesced. “But we can leave Asherah’s child for her to deal with. I want to know what else it is that you’re not telling me. Or the rest of us.”

Abaddon didn’t know how to begin unloading the rest of his thoughts on Valerie. Not when she already partially knew what his issues were.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in the crease of her neck as he stumbled around in the darkness of his mind, looking for the right words to say.

“…Do you know why I revere you? Why I worship you?”

“…Am I sitting on the reaso-”

“No.”

Valerie started to lift up her shirt. “Then is it my-”

“Also no.”

“Then I got no idea.” Valerie said honestly.

She was a powerful, perverted drunk who came from a long line of powerful, perverted drunks. She didn’t really understand what was so great about herself that her husband found her worthy of reverence..

Abaddon reached for Valerie’s face and took off her glasses, making her feel slightly flustered.

As he stared into her eyes, uncovered, he could see worlds growing, civilizations rising, and the start of new life.

“Through you, I learn what it means to care about things beyond the scope of our walls and influence. I admire the way you care about everything, no matter how small, and are an eternal fountain of optimism. They are qualities that I myself wish I had.”

“Okay, okay, ease up a bit. If you wanted to have sex, I promise you didn’t have to butter me up this much.” Valerie blushed furiously as she reached for the waistband of her leggings.

Abaddon grabbed her by the wrists gently and held her hands in place.

“The things that Lucifer was saying as he killed those humans… despite my knowing it was wrong, I wasn’t that upset about the people that he chose to kill. What made me angry was that I didn’t care.

I remember what it was like to be human. I saw their problems firsthand, and the scars their society left on me carried on for years after I left.

Yesterday, I was fighting for a cause my heart didn’t truly believe in and Lucifer saw right through me. He called my motives into question. I could not deny his accusations as firmly as I would have liked.”

Valerie gently brought her hands to her husband’s face. Her hands were soft and feminine, and they felt like an indulgence he did not deserve to enjoy.

“…What are you trying to say, love?”

Abaddon didn’t believe he even knew. His words were just spilling out faster than he could stop them.

“I just… I want to know how you do it. How you love everything earnestly, it’s glaring flaws and harm be damned.”

Valerie smiled at the question. “I guess it’s always been easy for me..? Dad may not have been a perfect role model, but he taught me to love every part of life, not just for myself for others. To admire my journey and theirs for their uniqueness and our commitment to struggle against the tide.

When I remember humanity from its early days to now, I cannot help but feel proud of its progress. It’s incredible. And when they are working with the concepts of love and understanding as their stepping stones, the heights that they ascend to are magnificent.

I don’t blame you for having your own little reservations based on the things you saw and how you lived. But you are greater now.

You have the privilege to see the whole picture all at once and not just the small square in front of you, smudged by a society’s combined desperate struggle for survival in a time where it should be easy.

I’ve gotten mad at you for not caring as much as you should sometimes. But I’ve also seen you making an effort to do better. The fact that you defended the humans and didn’t allow Lucifer to kill everyone in the mall is proof enough.”

“I only did that because I would never be able to look you in the eyes again if I just stood there.”

“And I think that’s wonderful.” Valerie held Abaddon’s face so close that her breath warmed his cheeks.

“You may not be fully there yet, but you know how much humanity means to me. You know how much it means to Yesh and Asherah. I think that’s enough.

Use your love for us as the bridge to get you towards loving them. When you look at humanity, see all of the reasons why we love them and hold on to them. I know you’ll be able to open your heart to them again, because I have never known anyone with more love to give than you.”

Valerie closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against Abadon’s. He shut his eyes as he felt himself shuddering within her grasp.

Her voice was as sweet as a whisper, yet it penetrated him all the way to his core.

“And another thing… don’t be in such a rush to undercut yourself. You raised two human daughters and I’ve never seen you treat them any differently from the rest of our children.

Hell, Courtney didn’t even have any sort of connection to us and you brought her home like it was the most natural thing in the world to do.

You may not be as far as you could be yet, but you’re not as behind as you think you are either. And as long as you keep trying to bridge the gap and uphold everything you know is right, then you will always have my love and you will always have my faith.”

Abaddon didn’t open his eyes for a long time. He simply continued to hold on to Valerie for dear life.

And as his wife held on to him and let him be alone with his thoughts, he felt a part of himself healing that he had long forgotten about…